I’ve been a “bad” diabetic lately. I know I’m not supposed to judge myself and all that, but honestly the other labels seem worse. Bad mom, irresponsible, or just plain stupid.
The other day the kids and I were getting ready to head to the library. I was planning on having a little snack before we left so I took some insulin for the snack. The problem was I got distracted before I could even make it over to the cabinet to get any food. I can’t remember if the kids started arguing or if Jake was crying and needed me, but something happened that distracted me for just long enough. I just continued to get the kids ready. Socks and shoes on, books all gathered and ready to return, I felt kind of organized! Then we loaded up and were on our way. As we were walking into the library I remembered. I had taken insulin, but completely forgot to eat.
My mom, sister, and nieces were all with us. I could feel the low creeping up on me, but told myself I’d just get into the library, let the kids get settled, and grab something from my purse. Bad diabetic moment #2: nothing to eat in my purse. Somehow I had forgotten to replenish my glucose tabs and lifesavers. I hate it when I do that! I just feel stupid. I wasn’t ready to gather everyone up and leave the library because I might get low. The kids were having such a nice time, and I hate letting diabetes and my stupidity ruin a good moment. Maybe the low blood sugar makes me extra irritated at myself and allows me to continue to make poor decisions. Who knows why, but I continued to sit there while the kids played knowing I had taken insulin, not eaten, and was going low.
We finally started to gather up the kids to head out. I was starting to feel sweaty now, and realized it was going to take us a while to get the books gathered up, checked out, and all of us out the door. Too long. Fortunately my mom was there. “Mom, can you see if there’s a vending machine or something?”
“You low?”
“Yup.”
The librarian informed her that they don’t have a vending machine, so she left in search of something. My sister and I checked out the books with the kids, and as we walked out the door my mom appeared with some orange juice.
I quickly felt better, but stupid. These are the moments I hate this disease. When not only does it come close to ruining a perfectly nice outing, but then I have to feel bad about my decisions. My life feels too busy with raising kids, keeping up with all the housework, trying to maintain friendships, help with school, family etc... to squeeze in the diabetes on top of it all. Ugh.
Sorry about the rant, I’m just over it.
3 comments:
I love your so-called rants. This is life. Your life. And you live it purely, honestly and wonderfully. Keep up the rants when you feel a rant coming on. They're all part of life! And we all have them. xoxo
Oh, please don't be so hard on yourself. We ALL do this!! I do it ALL the time, too often, and I don't even have the kid distraction excuse!! We live in an imperfect world, and well sometimes, we are imperfect, too... But, you are right, it is so frustrating and I wonder how I could have done it, because, I know better, right? You are still an amazing woman, an amazing mother, and an amazing PWD to me! :)
I've totally done this before. And it's not stupid at all. As the others have said, it is LIFE! And life with little kiddos and activities and everything is CRAZY at best! :-)
And it's good to know that mom is still a super-hero.
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