I ran over my blood glucose meter the other day. We were on the way to the park and I was backing out of my driveway when I felt a little bump and heard a little thump... (Can you tell we’ve been reading lots of Dr. Seuss books around here?)
When I looked out of my window and saw my little black meter case laying in the driveway I couldn’t help but laugh. Seriously, if I could have just driven away and left it there, I would have. It’s how I’ve been feeling lately about my diabetes. Just run it over, leave it all smashed up, and then just drive away into the sunset (okay, or just down to the park).
I guess it was a wake-up call for me. Somethings got to change. I wasn’t happy with my last hemoglobin A1C results. It was higher than it’s been in years, and I had trained for and run a half marathon. It shouldn’t have been so high. But during my training I’ve been riding the diabetes roller coaster of highs and lows, feeling out of control, frustrated, and like screaming sometimes. I want off. I never did like roller coasters.
It’s time to get serious about taking care of myself again, but it feels overwhelming. I can hardly make it to the pharmacy to pick up test strips, much less plan, weigh, and count carbs for each meal. But I’m trying. The cgm is back on, and buzzing away at me to alert me of highs and lows. I can’t say I like it (often times it feels like I’m trouble-shooting with it more than getting accurate blood sugars), and having one more thing demanding my attention sometimes makes me crazy. But, hey, I’m trying.
I want to believe that I can manage this disease without needing the motivation of pregnancy. But damn, wanting a healthy baby sure was a good motivator to stay on top of things. Putting in all that work felt so much more doable when I was planning a pregnancy or actually pregnant. But now what? How do I keep that motivation when my last baby is about to turn 1? And when all I want to do is run over my meter and laugh about it?
3 comments:
You laugh about it, then you blog about it, then you fix it. :) Cuz that's what you always do. And you do it with grace. Amazing grace.
It is SUCH a hard thing to keep on with. I wish I had a magical answer for you. BUT - we're all in it together, fighting the same fight (in our different ways). You can do it.
I'm not sure how I happened upon your blog to begin with (similar blog name?), but I just revisited to see that you are in a similar place with your D. I could have written those motivation comments myself. I just wanted to tell you that I completely and fully understand what you are going through, and support your struggles and triumphs, even if you are not blogging regularly. I started a blog as well, to hold myself accountable, and I've already hit my 1st rut with it. Check it out if you're interested, and maybe we can hold each other accountable if we "check in" on each other once in awhile.
www.onesweetlifeforme.blogspot.com
All my best,
Chellis
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