Bump Thump

I ran over my blood glucose meter the other day. We were on the way to the park and I was backing out of my driveway when I felt a little bump and heard a little thump... (Can you tell we’ve been reading lots of Dr. Seuss books around here?)

When I looked out of my window and saw my little black meter case laying in the driveway I couldn’t help but laugh. Seriously, if I could have just driven away and left it there, I would have. It’s how I’ve been feeling lately about my diabetes. Just run it over, leave it all smashed up, and then just drive away into the sunset (okay, or just down to the park).

I guess it was a wake-up call for me. Somethings got to change. I wasn’t happy with my last hemoglobin A1C results. It was higher than it’s been in years, and I had trained for and run a half marathon. It shouldn’t have been so high. But during my training I’ve been riding the diabetes roller coaster of highs and lows, feeling out of control, frustrated, and like screaming sometimes. I want off. I never did like roller coasters.

It’s time to get serious about taking care of myself again, but it feels overwhelming. I can hardly make it to the pharmacy to pick up test strips, much less plan, weigh, and count carbs for each meal. But I’m trying. The cgm is back on, and buzzing away at me to alert me of highs and lows. I can’t say I like it (often times it feels like I’m trouble-shooting with it more than getting accurate blood sugars), and having one more thing demanding my attention sometimes makes me crazy. But, hey, I’m trying.

I want to believe that I can manage this disease without needing the motivation of pregnancy. But damn, wanting a healthy baby sure was a good motivator to stay on top of things. Putting in all that work felt so much more doable when I was planning a pregnancy or actually pregnant. But now what? How do I keep that motivation when my last baby is about to turn 1? And when all I want to do is run over my meter and laugh about it?

Ready, or not!

Busy, busy busy...

Things have just been busy. Camping, a sick dog, a sick baby, running, and more running...

My half marathon is this Saturday (gulp!). 13.1 miles.

“I can do it,” is what I keep telling myself.

“Half of the race is mental.”

“If I can carry and deliver three babies then I can complete this race.”

These are the thoughts that run through my head as I start to get nervous or doubt my decision to sign up for the race in first place.

But I did do that marathon once upon a time... I won’t say I loved it or even liked it, but I can say I did it. So hopefully my body will let me finish a half.

Hopefully all my new gadgets don’t decide to fail me. A few times my sensor has fallen off mid-run. Nothing like ripping that sucker off or holding it on for the last mile or so of a run. Kills any momentum I had going.

Six years ago, when I ran my marathon, my pump site started to come off (it must be the salty sweat that causes the tape to fail). I was ready to wrap duct tape around my belly in order to hold that thing on so that my pump could continue to deliver insulin for the last 10 miles or so that I still had to run. Fortunately, police officers don’t carry duct tape on them (yes, we stopped and asked a cop along the race course). Eventually we came to a first aid station, and had the bright idea to use medical tape to wrap me up instead of duct tape. Phew, because I can’t imagine what kind of pain it would have been to try and remove duct tape from around my waist. I think ripping a band-aid off can hurt!

But running these distances is kinda like life, and I just can’t plan for everything. (As hard as I may try.) And sometimes I just have to get creative when problems present themselves. Sometimes those are the best moments, right? At least the best memories anyway. Like asking that cop for duck tape to wrap myself up in. Seriously, what was I thinking?

So, on Saturday (ready or not) I’ll hit the pavement and finish 13.1 miles.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I’ve been training.”

“I can do this.”